The Butler Project

I need to vent. I was doing a little reading today and I came across a real gem of an article titled Living Below Your Means: Control Vs. Competence. I know, the title should have tipped me off, but it didn’t.

It started off easy enough, predictably talking about the benefits of living below your means, many of the same points I used in my post yesterday.

Then, the author introduces us to “Paul Minsky, a California psychologist who specializes in money issues.” Apparently Paul “says not being in debt may make you look incompetent.”

Well, that’s just what we needed. A psychologist to tell us that if we’re not in debt, we look incompetent.

Hurry and go buy a house you can’t afford or you’ll look incompetent. Hurry!

I know. It sounds crazy, so here’s the exact quote: “The issue isn’t so much that not being in debt represents safety, security and freedom, but rather that your expenditures represent your competence.”

Minsky has more wisdom to share: “Our society promotes more spending, more credit card debt. What do you do when you don’t feel so good? Most people say they spend — that offsets the stress of being in debt. If you undertake a program of debt reduction it’s counter cultural. More is better than less, shop ’til you drop.”

Let me get this right, If I “undertake a program of debt reduction, it’s counter cultural.”

So, really I have to go into debt.

I can’t help going into debt.

We all just go into debt. That’s what we do.

Especially when we “don’t feel so good.”

What the heck is the author trying to tell us here? That, yeah, it would be great if we could all be in control of our spending and live below our means, but since our culture is set up so that having things represents competence, it just can’t be done? Does she really think, as her title suggests that you can either be in control of your money or you can look competent?

Horse Pucky! Bull Honky. Are you buying this?

I know, I know, we judge others by their stuff; I already posted about that. But, come on. Is this really going to be an excuse now? “I can’t get out of debt. People will think I’m incompetent if I don’t buy this.” What a load of crap!

Excuses

OK, so maybe I’m preaching to the choir. If you’re reading this blog, you probably have better grasp of the big picture. You’re not worried about what people are thinking. You’re laying the foundation to build the life you want to live, not the life society is trying to dictate. But this might be a good time to reflect on what excuses you’re using.

Cue the sad music: Do you not have enough time? Are the people in your life bringing you down? Is there just no way to overcome your troubled childhood? Maybe you had a teacher who was mean to you in high school. Maybe your dog died.

Don’t think I’m making fun, these are all valid excuses. But they’re just that–excuses. They are doing you no good. Let go of the excuses, get off your butt, and start doing something!

Look at the Millionaires

What did Mike (advertising exec) do after 4 clients went bankrupt in the same month and left him short 2 million dollars? Sounds like a pretty good excuse to fail at just about anything. Did Mike give up? No, he worked for 4 years paying off other peoples’ mistakes.

How about Dan, who shattered the summer sales record for his company when he was in college. Did he let the other guys pull him down when they wanted to go to the movies, take a nap, or hit the pool on a hot afternoon? No, he made a commitment to succeed and nearly doubled his own record from the summer before. Did I mention he also pulled in $180,000? Not bad for a summer gig.

Do you think M.R. worried people would think he was incompetent when both he and his wife had two jobs in order to pay off their mortgage and business debts? Do you think he looks incompetent now, completely debt free with a successful furniture business and real estate developments?

If your life is not where you want it to be and you can’t see a way to get it there, you’re making excuses. It’s time to sit down, clear your the mental clutter, and figure out “’What is it that I want to become?‘ Because when [you] do that, everything else really falls into place.”

photo credit: efleming

image credit: joeshlabotnik 

Today’s post comes from our cousin, Todd who recounted experience he had with a colleague. Todd is in his late 20s; the colleague is older, and should theoretically, be wiser.

One day, we were waiting for a meeting to start. As we stood there, he turned to me and said, “Todd, you work for [the university]. Don’t they pay you enough to move out of your townhouse and buy a real place to live?”

I bit my lip and said, “Uhh – they pay me really well. I don’t have any complaints. We live where we live because we like it. We also chose to do away with my truck, because it sat parked in front of our house, 4 days each week. We just figured it would be better to consolidate to a single vehicle.”

“Well yeah, but you should probably go back to school and get your doctorate, so you could teach. That’s where the real money is in working for a University.”

“Yes, but I already make more money than starting faculty –“

“Then you could afford a bigger house.”

At first I was pretty irritated that he would judge me like that. I didn’t want people to think that we are poor. But, last week I was at lunch with a friend who provides banking support to all of the Wells Fargo branches in the region. As we ate, we chatted about finances, and I recalled that discussion.

This friend, who lives across the street, shared some additional insights. In that discussion, he pointed out that many of the problems he sees in the lending business come from people trying to have the nicest house and nicest cars on the block.

Instead, he pointed out other things that aren’t so obvious – the fact that we have six months worth of savings, life insurance and 3 different retirement accounts, with substantial monthly contributions to each. We have a modest home, with substantial equity and very affordable payments. We own our car. The only debt we have is from reasonable student loans at a very low interest rate and our mortgage. We are saving enough money that when I start the MBA program next fall, we will have the full amount to pay cash for the program.

I love my job – I put in honest days, but I have lots of time to spend with my family. My favorite days at work are the ones that get interrupted to go feed the ducks with my wife and daughter, or the days we play soccer or golf in the hall outside my office. I live within walking distance of my office, and often run home at lunch to check and see how things are going. How can you trade that in for a few more dollars a year?

I guess we’ve come a long way from when we were first married and broke with maxed out credit cards!

What I love about Todd’s story is the way he sounds (remember, millionaires sound different than broke people). Todd’s not a millionaire, but he sounds happy, content, secure. He’s living a life he chooses to live, not one dictated by what others think of his stuff or by overwhelming payments on debt.

Don’t think Todd’s depriving himself. He loves to bike on and off road; he has nice bikes and just returned from a boys’ trip to Moab, Utah where you can ride some of the best slickrock in the world. Todd loves to climb and hike and do generally extreme things outside. He has all the gear he needs. He’s more than a bit of a tech head, and, as far as I know, he has all the technological gadgets he needs (I’m sure there are a few things he drools over and dreams about, but he’s doing alright.)

The point is, Todd spends money on the things he needs to live the life he wants, not on the things that impress others (like a bigger house or more cars.) That’s why Todd sounds secure. That’s why Todd sounds happy; he’s building the life he wants to live, not working to impress others.

Take a minute to think about your own life. Are you building the life you really want to live? Or are you accumulating stuff that is only for show?

How would it feel if you got rid of three things (or payments, or habits, or anything that is taking your time or money) that are not helping you attain your ideal life. How would that feel?