The Butler Project

Recently Oprah did a show about Living With Less. She introduced her viewers to two families who live wasteful and, I think somewhat unconscious lives. I recommend you follow the link above and check the story out for yourself, but I’ll give you a quick recap here too.

The Dominguez Family

First was the Dominguez family. They admitted to being wasteful in many ways:

• heating or cooling the house to the same temperature outside
• throwing leftovers and other perfectly good food away
• cooking three or four different meals for dinner because the kids are picky eaters
• drinking half of a water bottle and then throwing it away

Oprah also highlighted the fact that the family spends a lot more time with their personal electronics (ipods, dvd players, Tvs, video games, cell, phones, etc) than they do with each other.

The Keegan Family

Next was the Keegan family. They waste a lot of electricity and food; they go through a roll of paper towels and many paper cups and plates a day. The kids are addicted to consumer items including vanilla steamers from Starbucks and video games.

Oprah challenged each of these families to live with less–to turn off the TV, to take the bus to school, to share the same meals, to drink tap water, to eat out less, to use less electricity, and to generally think more about their consumption.

After the week long challenge, the families ultimately found they were happier and more connected. They both claimed they would continue to make changes and live a simpler, less consumer oriented life.

I loved that one of the moms, Kriss Keegan said, “We were checked out. We’re checked in now.”

Shannelle

After the families, the viewers were introduced to Shannelle, who had been living a life centered on consuming just a few years ago. She was making 6-figures, eating out most nights, wearing the best and most expensive clothes, and was completely unaware of how her lifestyle was affecting her. “Before I saw the Debt Diet show, I was focused on just consuming and not really knowing what I was consuming,” she says. “I had the hottest, the latest, the cutest, the best. I lived in 675 square feet, and I couldn’t understand where my money was going.”

Shannelle, after watching Oprah’s Debt Diet show, made serious changes to live on less, and do more for herself (like styling her own hair). Her new philosophy: “I want to make sure that I only use what I need, not what’s available to me,” she says. “Life is not about spending. It’s about living.”

Harpo Studios

At the very end of the show, Oprah told the viewers that her studio goes through about $41,000 a year in disposable cups. After staging a “no paper cup” day at the studio, she decided to make it permanent.

What can we learn from this show?

What struck me about the families highlighted was how unaware they were of their lifestyles. It seems to me that their lives were lived in reaction to what was going on instead of deciding how they wanted to live and making it happen. They weren’t considering what was going on and if that was really how they wanted to live.

In Business

Take Oprah, for example, she feels very strongly about “going green,” recycling and not wasting precious resources. I’m sure it was a shocker to her when she realized how much money she was spending and how much trash she was creating through the use of paper cups. That’s not okay with Oprah, so she made the conscious decision to change the situation and bring it in line with how she wants to live her life.

In Parenting

If you’re a parent, think about how often you just let your kids watch TV, play video games or spend hours texting because it’s easier? When our kids are engaged in electronics they are quiet, they’re not making any trouble, they don’t require any brain power from us . . . we parents can do what we want. But we’re reacting to life instead of looking at the situation and thinking about how we really want it to go. If you’re looking at what’s really going on, you know you are the parent; it’s your job to raise this child into a responsible adult. You know video games and TV do little to help with that responsible adult role. You know you only have a limited time with your child. So, you decide to put down what ever you’re doing and take a few minutes with your child: read a book, ride a bike, help with homework, do a science experiment.

In Finances

Same with finances. Mr. Dominguez’s comment at the end of their segment was “Some months, I have to borrow money. If I get a bonus, I can pay back my mother or friend. Right now, I’m on the brink of, borderline, where I’m going to lose everything.”

I’m sure it’s not really okay with Mr. Dominguez to ‘lose everything’ over cell phones, half empty water bottles, a thermostat set too high, and a garbage can full of perfectly good food. I’m sure he and his family could sit down and make some decisions about how and where they want their lives to go and then figure out what role money needs to play in getting there.

Thank You

We can all learn from these examples; we can all take a minute or an hour or a week to examine our own lives, our own spending, our own family time and consider if we are really living the lives we want to live.

Thank you Oprah, and thank you Dominguez and Keegan families for having the courage to share these stories.

Back in October of 2006, when Ford announced it would no longer be making the Taurus,  Saturday Night Live’s comment was, “Now, people in their 30’s will have to find another way to announce to the world that they have given up on their dreams.”

While a lot of people bought the Taurus, it did always fall short in the style category.

What does your car say about you?  What do you imagine people think as they see you climbing in or getting out of your car?  Do  you hope your car tells the world you’re successful and smart?

Does It Matter?

Maybe, maybe not, you’ll have to decide that for yourself, but one thing that matters to all of us (whether you want to think about it or not) is the bottom line of owning a car: How much will it cost, and how will you pay for it.

Your Plan

How does a car purchase fit into your financial planning?  Are you preparing for it by socking away a car payment each month in your savings account?  Or is your plan to sell some stock or other asset to come up with the money?  Will you take out  a loan and “figure out” how to pay for it as the need arises?

If there is one thing I’ve noticed about the millionaires we’ve interviewed, it is that they don’t like debt.  They think about their finances and plan more than the typical person how to make and how to spend their money.  They stay out of debt.

What does this say about buying a car?  It’s pretty much all about what you can afford.  How much car can you afford?

A Car Is Not a Good Investment

We all know cars depreciate–they lose some of their value every day, at an average of 15-20% each year, even more the first year.  That means that a car that was worth $24,000 new will lose approximately $4800 of it’s value the first year you drive it.  Would you invest in an investment that was guaranteed to lose 15 to 20% every year?  I think not.

A car is an expense. And not just the purchase price, everything about a car is an expense.  When you’re planning how to pay for a car, remember after you buy the car you pay tax, license, and registration, you fill the tank with gas, you pay for insurance, repairs, and maintenance.  You pay to wash it; you pay to park it.

I’m not telling you this to depress you, I’m telling you this to open your eyes to the way a car fits into your financial plan.  Avoiding unpleasant thoughts, like all the extra expenses associated with a car is the way we get ourselves into debt and other financial troubles in the first place.  Taking the time to examine your feelings and the total cost of ownership is actually the way to take control of your finances instead of being controlled by them.

So, Think About It

How will  you pay for the car?  Will you go into debt?  Will you really go into debt to lose a guaranteed 15 to 20% of your money each year?  Ouch.  You don’t have to go into debt.  You could be saving money each month in anticipation of your next purchase.  You could find ways to spend less and choose a less expensive car to drive.

There Are Ways To Make Purchasing A Car Smarter

Here’s how one of the millionaire couples featured in The Millionaire Next Door does it: As farmers in cotton country, they shop for quality, late model, used Japanese cars every 2 to 3 years.  They find they can get better prices in the city from private owners, they drive those cars for two or three years and then sell them in their rural community for close to the price they paid.

Why Japanese cars?  It seems they hold their value well and require few repairs during those first 5 to 6 years.  This millionaire couple lets someone else drive the worst of the depreciation off the car and then finds cars that will sell well in their area when they are done.

You too could figure out a system where you’re not taking the brunt of the cost of owning a car.  The Internet is full of information to help you. Sites giving new and used car prices abound.  Edmunds.com has listed cars by depreciation rates.  There is great cost of ownership information at the Internet Autoguide.  Many auto insurance sites will give you a quote if you’ll give them your specifics.  Use that information to find out which car models you’re considering cost the most or the least to insure.  Cars that cost less to insure typically cost less to repair.

Points to remember:

• Don’t be defined by what you drive.  Get a car you like, but don’t let your emotions take over the car buying process.  Driving more car than you can afford might look good on the outside, but having control of your finances feels good inside and out.
• A car is not generally a good investment.  You can, however, find ways to minimize your depreciate costs through researching depreciation rates, insurance costs, and total costs of ownership.
• Take the time to plan how you will pay for your next auto.

Would you be happier with a new car? How about a new house? Do you like yourself more when you buy new clothing? Does your new furniture make other people respect you? Do you feel joy when you look at your massive DVD collection? Are you a bigger man because of the beer you drink?

I think I’m pretty enlightened when it comes to being materialistic, but lately I’ve noticed sometimes I let my Stuff stand in for my true identity (meaning I want others to see my cool new running shoes or my mac computer because of the assumptions those people will make about me when they see these things). I’m guessing most Americans do this, and it’s mostly subconscious. One of the effects of this thinking is that we fill our lives and our homes with meaningless Stuff.

Sure, it may be beautiful Stuff. It may be expensive Stuff. But studies are now showing excess Stuff actually bolsters low self esteem, and is related to self-doubt. So, while you think others are thinking more of you because of your Stuff, you are actually thinking less of yourself and feeling down about it.

Practicers of Fung Shui believe everything you own is energetically connected to your spirit. The more Stuff you have, the more tied down your spirit is, and the less freedom you have to become who you really want to be.

From a more practical stand point, the more Stuff you own, the more costs you have in cleaning, maintaining and storing you Stuff.

So, how do we quit our love affair with Stuff? How do we quit letting stuff speak to us about other people, or quit buying stuff that we want to speak to other people about us? How do we Shut the Stuff Up?

1. Stop watching so much TV

There’s a reason big ad agencies make so much money: they are good at what they do. Very good. And what they do is convince people to buy Stuff. Mostly they try to convince you that you can be better/smarter/more attractive if you buy their product.
They are lying.

So, avoid TV if you can, and when you do watch it, use your DVR to fast forward through the commercials.

2. Read fewer magazines

Magazine publishers actually make more money selling ad space than they do subscriptions. Home magazines are designed for advertisers of appliances and flooring. Car magazines are designed for advertisers of performance parts and garage “essentials.” Travel magazines are designed for advertisers of luggage, vacation packages, and travel clothing. Print advertisers are just as good at their jobs as TV advertisers. Read fewer magazines. Same goes for billboards.

3. De-junk your spaces

Have you looked around at the clutter you’re keeping? Are there clothes in your closet you don’t wear? Is your junk drawer overflowing? Has your garage become a big storage room instead of a place for your car?

All the unnecessary Stuff you are hanging onto is trapping you in your past. It weighs on you as it clutters your space. Some of your Stuff may be from past relationships, or other phases of your life that you are through now. Some of the items may be from impulse purchases you now regret, or they may represent the debt you’re carrying around.

Can you see how this stuff weighs on you?

My personal code of de-junking

When I am cleaning up and deciding if I want to keep a particular item or not, I ask my self these questions:
1. Do I feel happy/peaceful when I look at this object?
2. Have I really needed to use this object in the last year?

If neither of these is a resounding “yes,” then the object needs to go to a new home. I happily throw the trash away and take those things I no longer need to the thrift store. You might want to hold a garage sale. Whatever works for you to clear out your clutter is a good thing.

By the way, don’t forget your office or car; any space you use can be de-junked.

4. Shop smarter; Shop less

Have you ever noticed that when you run to the store to just pick up some diapers and a gallon of milk, you come out with those two things, plus a bag of chips, 2 12 packs of coke (because they were “buy one, get one free), and a newly released DVD?

It doesn’t matter if it’s the grocery store, a clothing boutique or the giant sports center . . . stores want to sell you things. When you go there, you will be bombarded with messages: “buy me.” “buy me now.” “you will look good in me.” “I taste delicious.” These messages are hard to overcome, especially when “it’s just one!”

You can actually shop smarter by planning your shopping trips. If you keep a running list of things you need, shop once a week, and buy only what’s on the list, you will save money, save time, and cut down drastically on impulse buys.

Shopping smarter will be easier as you de-junk your spaces because you will really like living without clutter. As you live with less clutter, you think twice before making purchases–”How often will I use this? Where am I going to put it? Do I really need it?”

5. Set a buying waiting period

Predetermine a waiting period from when you decide you want to buy something to when you allow yourself to actually make that purchase. When you do find something you really want, put it on a list; the “Waiting List,” with a date. When your waiting period is up, reevaluate and decide if you still need the item. If so, go get it. If not, scratch it off the list.

How long should you wait? It’s up to you, but take the size of the purchase and your personal spending habits into consideration. You might choose to wait a week, a month, or even six months; the length of time can be different for each object on the list. Whatever the amount of time is, it should be longer than you think you can really wait. You can do it.

Think of past purchases that you now regret. Why did you buy those items? How did you buy them (is pulling out your credit card just too easy for you? Or was your cash burning a hole in your pocket?) Did they bring the joy you thought they would? How long did it take before you regretted your purchase? Use past experience to guide you in setting up your waiting period. Leave your credit cards at home if you need to.

6. Fill yourself up with other things

So often we are buying Stuff to change who we are or how we feel. And it usually works, but only for a minute. The next time you feel the need to buy something you don’t really need, try one of these activities instead; they will help you feel better, and they are great habits to get in to.
• exercise
• get in touch with nature
• play with kids at the park
• volunteer to help with a cause that’s meaningful to you
• take time to write down what you’re grateful for
• do something spiritual

Each of these 6 suggestions requires you to take control of the direction of your life and be smarter with how you spend your money. As you take responsibility and guide yourself into smarter purchases, you will feel powerful as you Shut the Stuff up!

Last spring my husband and I were working in our front yard when an acquaintance happened by. We said Hello and chatted for a minute, and then he looked up at our house and said to my husband, “So, Mike, you live here?!”

“Yes,” was the obvious answer, but the question (and my insecurity about it) got me thinking: why was he so surprised Mike lived here? Is our house too big? Is it too small? Is the courtyard too much? Do we have the front lights wrong?

What is it about our house that didn’t match up with what our new friend’s impression of my husband? And why was he judging us based on something as materialistic as our house?

Other peoples’ Stuff

The short answer is: we all do it. We all look at other peoples’ Stuff and make assumptions about who those people are.

Think about how it feels to walk into a business conference where you don’t know anyone. Where do your eyes go? What do you focus on? How do you size up the room? Admit it: within 5 seconds, you have noted first, the gender, ages, and good looks of the other participants, but then your eyes went to watches, jewelry, clothing, brief cases, purses, laptops, planners, whatever people are carrying to this particular gathering. You’ve instantly compared their “Stuff” with your “Stuff” and determined your status, and the status of many in the group, just by looking at and comparing the things you are carrying.

Status

Status is a necessary thing. We all feel a lot more comfortable relating to each other when we know our status in the group. In fact, we humans automatically position ourselves in relation to others, and we’ve been doing it for thousands of years. When our ancestors lived in caves, they positioned themselves under (or tried to become) the alpha male–the best hunter and protector, the one everyone relied on for survival.

We still see that kind of positioning today. When our “survival” is at stake (think “Survivor” or “Lost”), our status in a group is determined by our skills and abilities as they relate to keeping the group alive. But rarely are we in the 21st century concerned with basic survival in our day to day lives. The things we seek, (such as success and happiness) are much less easily defined. So, to position ourselves in a group, we look to material goods: who has the most expensive car, the biggest ring, the largest house, the most toys? The reason we do this is because we want to make instant judgments about our status in a group and material goods offer the easiest measurement.

If you think about it, this is ridiculous, and we are lucky our cave dwelling ancestors were a lot smarter in determining status, or the human race might not still be here. Consider for a moment if our ancestors had chosen to follow the member of their group who found the biggest rock, or the one who could pile dirt the highest. What if the group decided that whoever had the longest hair should be the leader? Those examples sound silly now, but are they any more silly than us determining a person’s status according to the brand of jeans he is wearing or the number of diamonds on her Rolex? Is it not ridiculous to allow Stuff to be the deciding factor as to how we stack up among our fellow humans?

Who spent the most?

Remember, exterior materialistic symbols tell us only who spent the most money. They say nothing of success, happiness, fulfillment, or longevity, all things we say we want. Do you really care who has spent the most money? Do you want to be the person who has spent the most money? No! No one cares who has spent the most. The problem is we make the unconscious assumption that the person who has spent the most money must have the most money to spend, and money, like it or not, is a sign of happiness and success in our culture.

Don’t make that mistake. Don’t burden your psyche with that mistake. In this day of oversize mortgages, home equity lines of credit, skyrocketing credit card debt, and a pay day loan store on every corner, the person who has spent the most money is probably the person with the most debt.

Freedom

You don’t want to measure your worth against someone else’s debt. You don’t even want to measure your worth against someone else’s assets. We all know in our heads that happiness, fulfillment, freedom and peace do not come in a Nordstrom bag. You can’t pick them up at the Mercedes dealership. We need to get that understanding down into our hearts, down where it really matters to who we are. Then, and only then are we each free to pursue the things that really do matter to each of us individually. Then we can measure ourselves as people and not as collectors of Stuff.